On the way back from Uganda I sat next to a British dude who was in Uganda buying land to set up a health clinic and housing for poor people. He told me he was working for a big Christian church in London, and as I listened to him talk about his project, I was thinking ‘I really should put aside my lingering prejudice against Christians. If only more of them were like him!’
I asked him about the health clinic he was going to set up.
‘We’re establishing a mobile health clinic to reach hard-to-access areas,’ he said.
‘Nice idea!’ I said.
‘We’ll be distributing medicines, health information and scripture.’
‘So … Bibles.’
‘We want all Ugandans to have a personal relationship with Christ.’
I was still feeling all warm from the charity he was describing, and the next thing he said took me off guard:
‘With the end times coming, it’s important to us to install heaven on Earth with speed and precision.’
‘End times?’ I said.
‘Earthquakes, fires, volcanoes. You see what’s going on around you. These are the signs of Christ’s return.’
‘Surely you see it in your own country. America is becoming more socialist by the day.’
‘The antichrist is returning, and we see Obama’s close connection to that, and we’re trying to act.’
He continued like this for the entire taxi and takeoff. It was textbook One World Government stuff. Apparently the world is heading inevitably toward a planetary government and unified currency. Which is the worst thing ever. Like all conspiracy theories, it’s totally inconsistent.
‘So if a world government is bad,’ I asked, ‘we should be protecting and preserving each nation, and having less integration of our economies?’
‘The Lord separated the nations for a reason,’ he said. ‘It’s right there in the Bible.’
‘But the Bible was written long before there were nation-states, much less their current configuration. The United States wasn’t even an idea when the Bible was written.’
‘It’s in the Bible, Mike.’ He sighed, exasperated at my ignorance. ‘God has blessed the nations.’
I was eyeing the fasten-seatbelt sign as soon as he mentioned the word ‘Antichrist’, and I changed seats the instant it pinged off. I probably should have stayed and argued, and at least tried to plant a kernel of reality into his vast, overploughed prairie of bullshit, but I couldn’t be bothered. The only thing I regret not saying was ‘Leave Uganda alone!’ as I left.