A Jury of Your Spears

It’s white asparagus season in Germany, so last night I tried to make a traditional spargle-mit-cheese-sauce.

I did everything right: I asked the internet for the best asparagus to buy, the most efficient peeling technique, the proper point for chopping off the base, the correct ratio of boiling water to butter and salt, the recommended cooking time and the approved method for checking done-ness. 

‘I’ve got your shit in check,’ I told my meticulously chosen spears, sliding them into the pot.

But they fucking bested me. They came out really tasteless and reedy, like thick blades of grass. ‘Are they supposed to be like this?I thought, chewing like a cow, ‘Or did I forget to ask the internet how to eat them?’ 

So now I have two options. Either I conclude that my preparation somehow failed and try cooking them again, or I conclude that my preparation was correct, and that Germans just like eating dandelion-ass dinner foods.

There’s no polite way to ask a German person about this. But either way, I’m never asking the internet about anything again.


Filed under Food, Germany, Personal

4 responses to “A Jury of Your Spears

  1. True, there’s no polite way to ask a German about this. But Germans consider being polite an over-rated virtue, I sometimes think. Just wait ’til you’re here a little longer.

  2. Marc


    The trick is in the peeling; you did not peel them enough. Also, serve them with sauce hollandaise, or (more simple) with cured ham & cooked egg & new potato. Also check the internet about how to make soup from the leftovers.

    In addition to this, keep on going with your excellent blog!

  3. HC Seidelin

    You must’ve been ufortunate. I had white asparagus in my veggie-box, cooked them for a (!) minute, sprinkled with parmesan, horseradish and oil, and devoured them in the company of g’brother. We agreed they were fine, albeit no different from green asparagus…

    • Frederik Seidelin

      As I was reading your post, Mike, it seemed less and less like you. You may have checked ‘the correct ratio of boiling water to butter and salt’, but did you actually do it? 😉

      I agree with Kogs; doing them as he described was awesomely delicious. If the Germans deviate, they might ‘just like eating dandelion-ass dinner foods.’ As a bonus info, it was asserted that the blog post most definitely was written by you by that comment. 😀

      I’ll ask my German colleague today; in that way, you don’t have to be impolite, but you’ll still get to know the answer.